On being a mommy ~

October, 2013 marks the start of a new journey, a journey of being a mommy. 

It's funny how days pass by in a blink of an eye. Going through nine months of pregnancy haven't prepared me for this. I was scared most of the times, I had so many heart-to-heart talks with my sisters.. how I was afraid of not being able to raise a baby properly and how a huge responsibility this little creature is! Although my pregnancy was planned but when it happened, I started freaking out.

By the ninth month, my feet got swollen and I got so heavy I was barely moving.. I was enormous but there were no signs of labor what so ever! I went to my check-up like always do, the doctor said I might give birth tonight or the next day. I didn't believe her at first but later on the same day I started to feel the cramps and see some bloods -sorry!- 

I wasn't ready.. I was waaaay far from being ready. 

At Al Mashfa Hospital, Jeddah

1 Oct. 2013

11:59 AM

After hours and hours of labor.. 

My baby was in my arms, she was so small.. 

Only on that day, October 1st, 2013, I realized how much love I could have for a tiny person that I just saw. All my fears in that moment have washed away and only then I was 100% confident that I would raise this baby so well and that I will devote all my power and love for the sake of this child. 

Sara is not only the name of my daughter, it is the name of an endless love story that I'm living in. Sometimes, I wish I could hug her so hard I would put her back inside of me and have her all over again.. All mothers can relate, I know this for sure. 

A gift from heaven above.. 

I agree when they say babies are gift from Allah, their smile could bright up your world and a single tear shed from their eyes could break your heart to pieces. How would a mother cherish this gift better than taking a good care of them?! 

Personally, I made sure to educate myself by reading all the baby books I could lay my eyes on and taking notes from my mother, my own super hero! People started saying that my baby wasn't well-fed, they actually said they she doesn't know what milk it is because I don't give her any! That was harsh but I let it go. 

I knew my baby was in good health, no one knows better than me when it comes to my own child. Just because my baby wasn't all fat & cheeky, they instantly judged me and said she was sick. That probably was the hardest thing on having a baby, hearing all those negative comments that aren't based on medical facts and that were just gibberish! 

Despite of what they said, my baby and I had a wonderful first year..

Gratefully, my baby turned so well and I proved them all wrong. I love taking care of Sara.. Being a mommy was better than what I have imagined. I enjoyed every second I stayed up all night making formulas and changing diapers. 

Seeing her change every month and noticing her development gave me all the strength and energy I needed. All those eye-contact and thumb-grabbing were heartily rewarding. I wanted to record all those memories; her first smile, her first grabbing attempt and her first steps.. they were so simple in the eyes of others but for me, they make me soar with happiness. 

I don't know what made writing this post, the feelings are so strong I wanted to write them out. Being a mommy is something I'm deeply grateful for & proud of.