Internal Monologues.
As I stood watching the beautiful sea throwing its waves on the shore and taking little stones back with it. All the thoughts in my head suddenly untangled themselves and made everything clear. I have been thinking about what I want to do with my life lately, and honestly, it put me very down. I graduated with a big dream, I was so excited to go job hunting, I thought it would be a great experience. It was totally the opposite, I didn't find a single job that suits me and I didn't know what to do. I was completely lost and I fell in an endless circle of self-loathing and disappointment. I thought what I studied for 4 years and more was a waste of time and that my English degree was completely worthless. What if I studied marketing, finance or human resources my chances to find a job would be bigger. But do I really want to be stuck in a job doing what I don't like, would I really go through a major I have no single interest in? I didn't like the most job relating to my studies, which was a reporter in a newspaper. It depresses me, it put me so down I hated myself, and it wasn't stable or guaranteed to make it as my life long career.
I wanted to study abroad so bad I forgot what was really the thing I want to study, it is not marketing or one of those shitty majors the ministry provides and hell I can't go on my own. And it's risky to go on this scholarship and switch majors when I get there. I'm not allowed to take risks and I have wasted enough time already.
All these thoughts were wired all together made me twinge in pain and guilt, it made me feel that I'm wasting my time and I should make up my mind before I get a year older. I started to imagine myself teaching in university, teaching writing and making girls pours their imaginations to me. I had internal dialogue with my imaginary students about the importance of books that they are not less than money and oil. I started making up questions for journals, choosing books to teach in my fiction class. That day I know what I really want, I don't want to be a writer, I don't want to work in an office for the rest of my life. Yes, I do love the publishing business, but it could be only a side job. As for a stable study life-long career, I wan't to be an English teacher. Taking my master degree in Saudi Arabia didn't sound as bad as I thought it was because I do know that I would probably take my Ph.D abroad, and if not, I would be working in the university teaching something I love.
Realizing this fact made me feel so much better. Now, I don't feel that I'm wasting my time because I know what I'm waiting for and what I want to be for the rest of my life.
And just as the beautiful sea, life takes us up and down with its waves never knowing where we're going to hit the shore.
You know what...
ReplyDeleteThe conclusion you reached in the end of this post scared me!!
As to me -and I'm sure it was the same to you- teaching would be my last option.
But, who knows? you may give it a try and, then, like it.
But, wait, I have a little suggestion before you do..
Have you ever tried applying for advertising companies?? Although that they can be most probably mo5tala6a, they include jobs you can enjoy such as copy-writing.. translation.. and it can also include graphic design stuff. I don't know much about the companies here, well, not yet, but try some search for some advertisement agencies in Jeddah. Once, b4 a year, an internet pal who worked in an ad agency mentioned that to me, I wished if I asked him about the exact name of the company. It was offering a really big salary for small jobs... 30,000 S.R for only writing creative slogan's on products, like Shampoos and stuff, imagine!!
but, duhhh, I was oblivious to that :|
Finally, I wanna really thank you for this post. You do really give me a clear vision about how life after graduation would be.. and you're almost answering life questions for me. I've worried quite for a considerable time cuz of the mere thinking of that. Yet your posts make me think realistically, within the possibilities of our reality as Saudis.
Maybe you won't believe me if I said that one reason why I delayed my graduation is that mere question:
What am I gonna do after I graduate?
I hope this little link help you:
http://www.myjob.com.sa/
I get hundreds of job offers around the kingdom every week on my mob, but i'm just not really qualified yet :S register your number and see.
All the beautiful luck <3
I hope I'm not gonna spam you, but, personally, this is the field i'd love working in.
ReplyDeleteCheck this media job link:
http://mediame.com/taxonomy/region/africa?page=27
Copywriting job descrption:
http://mediame.com/position_type/fulltime/propaganda_advertising_copywriter
Hi sweet
ReplyDeleteYou know wt I really like so much is teaching English . one year I taught children ,it was soooo intresting that i never thought it wd be. You know your abilities and u know wt u like more. Plz try to apply at the national gaurd hospital they give scholarship to get master degree in order to teach at their nursary college. One of my friend took that apportunity and go abroad with her parents imagine that,and now she is teaching english in the nursary college of that hospital. Its ur chance maybe your dream becomes true. Love you and wish u good luck.
I'll send u the link later.
http://www.ngha.med.sa/ARABIC/JOBSEEKERS/Pages/ApplicantsGuideAr.aspx
ReplyDeleteBy theway, they give pretty good salary.
First of all, I have to thank you for all those job links, it's a gesture I deeply appreciate but some of them required skills I don't have. I love graphic design but I'm not that qualified. I don't know about these job, I thought about it a lot, it's not me I belong with books and literature. I think I made up my mind and realized that my opinions about teaching was blurred with prejudice. Of course I won't be teaching in schools mainly because I don't want to teach intermediate and high school materials, I want to get my MA and Ph.D in English and be like Dr. Suzan Fakahani and make my students LOVE the class. It would be a hard work but I'm loving this kind of challenge. I would be working not only in KAU, maybe I'll teach in different colleges in Jeddah.
ReplyDeleteI still have my dream of starting a magazine, I won't let that slip off my life. I'll save up money to start this project with whoever is willing to cooperate.
I love that my words are being useful in a way or another, it's not only rants in some blog on the internet. I'm not trying to put you down, but there is no book in the whole world could prepare us for this, everyone has to get his own experience!
All the best luck for you, too. You know, if I could say something, is that you should try to gain as much experience as possible, courses in different fields and stuff. Or else, you'd be lost and dumbfounded in this new world, just like me xD
Heeey!
ReplyDeleteI wanted to teach kids, too but no place accepted me because I didn't take an educational course or had an experience. I was bumped because I thought teaching little kids is the biggest challenge in the world! I taught my little niece English myself and I enjoy it so much! I applied to the national guard hospital, I didn't hear anything from them, yet. Mom won't let me work in a hospital or public relations companies or newspapers, and honestly, I don't think I can put up with it. I tried the newspapers but I didn't like at all, sometimes I couldn't get words out of my head and I got really frustrated!! If I took MA in KAU and applied for a lecturer position, I would get a scholarship to continue my studies. In this way I'll guarantee studying my post-graduate studies in English with no complications! Thank you my love, it was an honor meeting you online, and hopefully, we'd meet in real life!
xoxo
this is great , you now know what you want to do with your life ..
ReplyDeleteI'm a week from graduating inshallah ,, but I have no idea what I'm going to do next .. !
That's okay, sometimes I think this is completely normal for a fresh graduate to get into this phase! All the best of luck to you after graduation and keep your head up and be strong for the real world!
ReplyDelete